Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love having hate sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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