so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want nice things and good sex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
