what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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