You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
