Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
