Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
