wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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