its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Terrible idea I love it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
