Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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