I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
