He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
