I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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