and you said cock pushups were impossible
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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