he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
