defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
