he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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