Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
