My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
