I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
