So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my being single is dangerous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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