Where is the hickey?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
