just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
