i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
