i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
