Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
