theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
