Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
