He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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