i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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