Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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