The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
