I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
