Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
