FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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