Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
