Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
