Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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