On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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