hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
