alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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