the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
