and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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