Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
