So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
