Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
