there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
