i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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