The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
