Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
