I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
