that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
