Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
