Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
