this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
