Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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