New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
